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12 December 2007 @ 07:53 pm
one piece: "language makes us human"  
Title: Language Makes Us Human
Genre: Humor, parody
Characters: Zoro
Rating: PG
Status: Finished
Summary: Zoro faces his strongest opponent yet, and speaks honestly from the heart.
Notes: Inspired by various threads on capslock_op on the subject.

"This game grows tiresome," said the man at the other end of the abandoned, ancient courtyard. "It ends now."

Zoro grunted. His opponent, a monster of a man with scars crisscrossing his body, had so far fended off Zoro's attacks with little more than swats from the giant blade connected to his waist by a ten-foot length of chain. Zoro had been obliged to fall back to reconsider his strategy against a foe who had not yet even begun to break a sweat. Zoro grinned, even as he loosed Wadou from its sheaf and raised the hilt to his teeth; this was going to be fun.

“Why the smile, Roronoa Zoro?” his opponent sneered. “Are you really so eager to lay down your life?”

Beneath the bandana wrapped around his head, Zoro’s eyes glittered with a dangerous, almost fanatical gleam. “Gnnnunnph,” he said, and shifted his feet in preparation for attack.

The man also began to ready for the next exchange of blades. “I see,” he said. “So that’s how it’s going to be.”

“Nnnghb.”

“Oh? Then you won’t mind a demonstration!”

Not bothering to answer him again, Zoro sprang forward at the exact moment that the giant man lunged forth, and the ensuing skirmish left them both breathing heavily.

The man wiped away blood from a cut on his cheek. “So I was right to seek you out, Roronoa Zoro.”

“Grnnmnphnngnph,” Zoro snarled, and was rewarded by a sword sailing with deadly accuracy toward his gut on the end of a chain; he dug in his heels and deflected the blow, though not without considerable effort.

“You’re mad,” the man said in an ugly voice. All traces of joviality had gone from his tone.

“Mmnngph.”

“And I say you can go to hell!” the man roared. He let his sword fly once more; once more Zoro beat it back. “10,000 Beli is highway robbery and I will not pay!”

“Guh?”

“You heard me!” the man shouted. “Neither you nor your greasy-fingered associates shall touch a hair on my head!”

Guhh??

Zoro whipped around, only to find, half-crouched behind a broken pillar, Sanji holding a large placard above his head. Nami and Usopp stooped on either side of the cook. The placard read, “NO ONE WILL PERFORM A CUT AND SHAMPOO FOR LESS”

The swordsman and his crewmates stared at each other for one long moment. Then the trio behind pillar took off, dropping the placard as they ran. With an indistinct yell, Zoro started after them, but it was too late; by the time he reached the pillar there was no trace left of his companions but some a couple of quill pens and a stack of cardboard signs. Now positively seething, Zoro leaned down and picked one of the signs up. “YES I AM RENOWNED FOR MY THREE-SWORD HAIRSTYLING TECHNIQUE,” it read.

“Nnngrrmmph!” Zoro all but screamed, his teeth digging dangerously deep into Wadou’s hilt in his fury.

His opponent only scratched his head. “Ehhh…sorry, buddy,” he said bemusedly. “Can’t understand a word you’re saying. Maybe if you took that sword out of your mouth,” he added helpfully.

And that was when the courtyard became drenched in red.

- - end - -
 
 
Current Mood: amusedamused
 
 
 
Adaliadaliseranis on December 13th, 2007 02:05 am (UTC)
*snicker* Poor, fan-subbed Zoro. He'd learn quick, though.
one ill-considered joke away from disasterhsiuism on December 13th, 2007 03:05 am (UTC)
He might, but who knows how long it'd take him to find the culprits. Sense of direction, you know
ᶠ  ˡ ᵉ ᵘ ʳ ღ フルールxfleur on December 13th, 2007 04:51 am (UTC)
Bahaha, that last sentence had me in tears. (Of laughter, of course.) XD
one ill-considered joke away from disasterhsiuism on December 13th, 2007 05:17 am (UTC)
Lol, I'm sure Zoro's tears flow right alongside yours (his are not of laughter XD )

Glad you enjoyed it!
scribe_protra: zorro smile from hydra-starscribe_protra on December 13th, 2007 05:03 am (UTC)
I am positively HOWLING with laughter from this.
one ill-considered joke away from disaster: jus' chillin'hsiuism on December 13th, 2007 05:18 am (UTC)
Yay, I'm glad you liked it! Zoro is trying to pretend NOTHING HAPPENED *points to icon* but we all know better...
Maldorormaldoror_gw on December 13th, 2007 06:06 am (UTC)
I choked, I died, tell my family I left this mortal coil happy ^___^ Of course, Zoro could have had it worse; he could have been subbed by 4Kids.
one ill-considered joke away from disaster: falling out of the freaking skyhsiuism on December 13th, 2007 05:02 pm (UTC)
Haha, what terrible news to break to a family: "She died while reading fic. In fact, she died of reading fic. Yeah, I know, it's messed up."

he could have been subbed by 4Kids

This is true! At least Sanji and Co. let him keep his swords.
Stephanie Travellyr: CAPSLOCK CANNOT FULLY EXPRESStravellyr on December 13th, 2007 06:33 am (UTC)
*SNORKING SO HARD*
....Nami, Sanji, and Usopp deserve BIG shiny awards for that one. XDDD!
(And so do you ♥)
one ill-considered joke away from disaster: i love youhsiuism on December 13th, 2007 05:04 pm (UTC)
Aw, thanks! Glad you liked it :D Zoro already has some awards in mind - it's big and shiny and sharp, but it ain't pretty XDD
guavacone: Holy jesusguavacone on December 13th, 2007 07:36 am (UTC)
Aha ha ha, so true, so true xD it just got better towards the end, nice fic, really. I rather enjoyed it.
one ill-considered joke away from disaster: i love youhsiuism on December 13th, 2007 05:05 pm (UTC)
Thanks! Glad you enjoyed it :D
wispyhollowwispyhollow on December 15th, 2007 01:31 am (UTC)
OH MY GOD

THIS IS ONE OF THE BEST THINGS EVER EVER xDD

GENIOUS
loreleilorelei76 on December 19th, 2007 04:39 pm (UTC)
Holy crap, I should've known better than to read this at work. Utterly, brilliantly hilarious - you're so awesome!

(what's not so awesome is having a coworker come by because he thought I was choking to death.)
one ill-considered joke away from disaster: katamari rainbowhsiuism on December 19th, 2007 09:09 pm (UTC)
LOL! Sorry to be the source of worktime embarrassment ^_^;

Since the subject is Zoro, really anything ends up being hilarious XD
serrende: Genmasign winserrende on February 22nd, 2008 01:59 pm (UTC)
re: language makes us human
Um. I just wanted to post another late comment since you thought it was okay. Because I actually felt like commenting (and de-lurking) back when I saw this on [Bad username: text"one_piece"], but I wanted the right icon and I didn't have it. Now I do. Plus I was shy.
So, okay. This made me laugh a lot. It was so awesome.
(Not that I don't find your other fics awesome too. Because I do.)
serrendeserrende on February 22nd, 2008 02:04 pm (UTC)
Re: language makes us human
(Ah, sorry. Messed up the formatting. But you see what I meant.)
one ill-considered joke away from disaster: i love youhsiuism on February 22nd, 2008 07:31 pm (UTC)
Re: language makes us human
Aw, thanks! *does happy dance* It's always a relief when people find a humor fic funny, 'cause then I know it's not just me. Ahahaha.

Honestly, I think most people on LJ love it when someone comments on a post made ages ago, so you shouldn't worry about doing it :D
anyjen: teeheeanyjen on April 24th, 2009 11:16 pm (UTC)
Oh, boy. Oooooh boy. It's been
ages
since I've laughed this hard. I' literally crying from laughter. XD

I thought it was weird that Big Guy would understand him so easily... Zoro should have suspected it all along. *snorksporflesnort!*